How long Lord?
By Boxing News March 23rd, 2006Reflections on Merchant, Lampley, Steward and HBO
How long Lord? How long until You strike down Larry Merchant from the airwaves?
Being that I have a knack for turning on HBO at various times and catching replays of the previous weekend’s bouts, I’ve seen Hasim Rahman defend his title three consecutive times. I suppose that makes up for him never actually winning it away from Vitali “On the Fritz” Klitschko, or anybody else.
Before that happened, I listened and laughed as Emanuel Steward and Larry Merchant prattled on about middleweight hands vs. heavyweight hands. My colleague, Amy Green, already cornered on the market on that unintentional comedy.
The ridiculous nature of the dialogue didn’t bring on the shaking laughter, although it merely fed the shuddering. It was Uncle Larry, taking 20 minutes to finish the thought Steward had already nicely wrapped and delivered last Christmas.
I play a game with Larry on the air called “Who is Larry really talking about?” It’s not quite a drinking game yet, but I figure the subject has a head start on the viewers anyway. I don’t want to be responsible for the alcohol poisoning resulting from Merchant’s confusing Rahman, a large, heavily muscled dark-skinned man, for Rock Newman, a pudgy light-skinned man not to be confused for the heavyweight champ — that would require the shot-gunning of an entire fifth of vodka.
Better have an iron liver for that, Bubba.
As Larry deteriorates, I can only expect his on-air partner — and beacon through the haze — Jim Lampley to earn early sainthood. He’s already performed three miracles by leading the likes of Merchant, Roy Jones Jr. and George Foreman through broadcasts without allowing them to hurt themselves.
Bless you, Jim Lampley. As for the rest of us, bottoms up.
March 23rd, 2006 at 2:23 am
Pity they don’t broadcast fights on radio anymore.
Then we wouldn’t have to put up with men calling fights to pictures they see on a small monitor.
Perhaps we could challenge Merchant to see if he can look more bored during his post fight interviews, or if he could ask his questions any slower.
However, I used to admire Merchant’s observations about fighters. He described Joe Frazer as a mile long and a mile deep, said Mike Tyson was a mile long and an inch deep.
Merchant is not one to overlook a fraud or conspiracy and it’s likely we’ll miss him when he’s gone.
March 30th, 2006 at 7:40 pm
Larry Merchant brings what boxing always needs: A touch of elegance & class. The sport began in 17th century England and was mostly patronized by the upper classes who evidently imparted a strand of education/literacy and glamour. Thus, whenever this is missing in a boxing program, one senses a lack of a certain something sometimes difficult to identify. When Larry Merchant is part of the commenting team there is an immediate sense of “completeness”. Even if that team unfortunately includes the likes of Leroy Jones, Jr! Larry’s analysis always includes a memorable line or two that could easily justify inclusion in a literary journal. He seems not only educated but endowed with a ready-made wit. My personal favorite in the boxing world!
January 7th, 2008 at 1:36 am
I love Merchant and have quoted him several times on my blog, although always sure to use his bizarre comments because it’s for the humor. I think even the people who pick on Larry will miss him when he retires. He’s quite a character and I’d rather have him around then Max Kellerman…well…until Kellerman starts going on stranger rants and spacey comparisons requiring a decoder. Kellerman doesn’t do it for me and I like hearing Lampley try to bring their conversation into some kind of sanity after Larry makes one of his left-field remarks. I’ll miss Lampley also. It seems like he’s getting ready to leave too.